This expression came to my mind not right after yesterday’s game, but in 24 hours, after the game finally sank in my head. My opponent was the guy to whom  I lost 5 months ago having +3-+4 advantage. This time he had White and played Giuoco Piano, here is the game.  The first opportunity I missed was 12… Nxe4, giving me 2 bishops and very good play. Of course, why there should be  tactics in this quiet position? I didn’t have a specific plan. After his Nd4 I decided to play c5, realizing that I create a weakness, but hoping I can defend d6 pawn and will have counterplay on “f” vertical.

He started to press on “d”, I tried to keep the balance. After a good move 29… Ng5, which I made to create some threats on the kingside seeing that he wins my c5 or d6 pawn, I failed to see the combination after 30. Nxc5. I saw 30… Rdf8 31. Rxd6, but the only continuation I considered was Rxf2 and I didn’t like it.

I got worse and then I was given another opportunity to get back into the game after his 37. Ne3. I saw Ng5 and the following fork, but couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t calculate the line after queens exchange and thought that I lose material there – in reality I was winning a rook, so he would play instead something like the line that computer suggests, giving me pretty playable position. I only can say that I was probably nervous and had less than 10 minutes on the clock. After that it all went downhill, the rook endgame, into which I was kind of lulled, was completely lost for me. I was playing only on the increment, having 1-2 minutes on the clock. I probably could have resigned earlier, it was a last game, people were looking and it was nothing to show.

It is sad to see how I missed three tactics, first two giving me an advantage, though not decisive, but I wouldn’t lose the game at least as I did, and the third one was a good chance to draw.

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